If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, don’t panic. Or do. For a bit. If you need to.
Just know it’s okay, you’re not alone, and there are many other people out there struggling through the most romantic day of the year, too.
You can get through this.
You’ll just go through these emotional stages first.
1. Wait, when’s Valentine’s Day? What? Why?
You’re blissfully unaware that doom looms ahead.
Christmas has passed, you’re enjoying your new turkey and roast potato weight, and everything’s wonderful. But this can’t last forever.
2. The slow, creeping up of fear
It’s coming. You can feel its weighty presence hanging over you.
3. The dreadful realisation
Valentine’s Day is two weeks away. You are single. This is not going to be fun.
4. Immersion
Suddenly Valentine’s Day is everywhere. Every email in your inbox is a Valentine’s Day gift guide. Your weekly trip to Sainsbury’s begins with a stroll through an overwhelming aisle of teddy bears and heart-shaped chocolates.
There is no escape.
5. Revulsion
You remember that – despite your celebration of the occasion last year – you think Valentine’s Day is the grossest thing ever.
All those chocolates and mushy cards? Disgusting. Who would want any of this sh*t?
6. Strong anti-couple sentiments
All coupled up people are a disgrace. They should all be locked away in a special couples retreat for the entirety of February, so we don’t have to see their PDA all over the place.
7. A brief moment of self-doubt
Am I happy? Why am I alone? Am I so inherently awful that no one wants to be with me on Valentine’s Day?
8. Intense questioning
What have I done with my romantic life? Should I text my ex from when I was sixteen? How much time do I have left to meet the person I’m meant to be with in time to get married according to my five year plan?
OH DEAR LORD, I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE.
9. Despair
I’m alone. So alone. This Valentine’s Day will be spent weeping into a bottle of tequila.
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